Snippets of Time
by ChallengingReality
Summary: Clara has had many lives, all of them running to save the Doctor. Only a snatch of that time is ever seen, but here is one of the lives she didn't think about often. This is the story of her meeting with the Ninth, before his fateful encounter with Rose Tyler.
1. Newly the Ninth

Snippets of Time

Disclaimer : I do not own Doctor Who or any of its characters. They are the property of BBC. Only this story is mine.

This is my first attempt at Doctor Who fanfiction, so please be kind. Please let me know what you think. Also, this takes place before the 50th Anniversary and is my take on a few of the lives that Clara went through where she encountered the Doctor. This is the Ninth. I also intend to do one with the Fourth.

Chapter One : Newly the Ninth

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><p>He'd only recently regenerated into this body, only a few days really and already he hated it. Too old, big ears, daft old face, eyes too cold. Taller though, and leaner, and not at all like his Eighth self. He was tired, held the form of an old soldier, because that was what he'd become. The Time War was...He gripped his head with his hands and tried to drown it all out. The screams and the lives and the abrupt, horrible silence. This form, this face, this life. He wanted it over, wished he'd burned through all his other lives with the death of the last one. But no, Rassilon didn't reward monsters. He was being punished, the survivor and the reaper of the Time Lords. He'd fallen so far from himself that he wondered what he was supposed to do with himself now. No use traveling anymore, no use seeing what good could be done. Not when nothing would undo what he'd done to himself and his people.<p>

His big body shook, hearts breaking all over again for all the things he'd lost. If his former companions could see what he'd become they would be horrified. He could practically see their eyes on him, accusing him, condemning him. He wished...oh he wished...

"Hey gent, you alright?"

He felt her touch just as her voice registered, realized he'd been sitting still too long and someone had noticed him on this bench all alone. He wanted to flinch, to pull away, to lash out. Instead he found himself leaning just slightly towards her, desperate for some form of contact. He was so alone, all alone in the universe.

"Shh, easy there now...you're going to be okay." Little hands were touching his own, just that. She hadn't moved closer, hadn't sat down next to him on the bench. Just the touch of two hands against his, just the soft cooing of her voice washing over his pain and desolation and drawing him back towards the light.

He'd come back to this place, to this planet, because here were the best memories of his life, all of them. All the people, the clever ones that had come along and the stupid ones that still managed to make him smile. Years and adventures with this one race made him quite fond of they and the planet they lived on. He'd only wanted to find some measure of solace, and aboard the TARDIS that was nowhere to be found. His lovely ship wasn't speaking to him, was almost catatonic with grief. She needed the time to mourn as much as he did. He supposed, in his way, this regeneration was all about grief. That was why he wore black predominately. Even his jumper was black. But perhaps, with time and the people like this woman standing so still and so near, he would heal. He'd survived, he hadn't burned through his remaining lives, so that meant that he was still meant to do something.

Slowly he eased his hands from his head, tilting his head so that he could look at the woman that had managed to drag him back from the abyss. With just a touch, just soft words, she had managed to reach him. She was short, small built and delicate in appearance. Dark hair, dark eyes, early twenties maybe. That was all he got of her at first, but then his senses went crazy. Time moved strangely around this girl, this person who had reached out to a Time Lord so deeply in pain that nothing should have reached him. Not for a long time. But she'd barely tried, and something was just off about her. "You...you're impossible."

She laughed, fingers linking through his to remind him that they were still there though she stood back from him some. "No, I'm Oswin." A grin was spread across her face, one that spoke of adventure and mischief and made a slow grin come up onto his own. He rose, releasing her hands as he stood to practically tower over her. Rassilon, she was tiny. Something niggled at his brain, some stray memory or thought that was trying to make itself known. Almost like de ja vu, except that he usually didn't experience that odd phenomenon.

"Do I know you, Oswin?"

She put a finger to her lips and smiled cheekily at him. "Spoilers."

He cracked up, surprising himself with the sound. "Oh you think you're clever now?" He should have been annoyed that she wouldn't give him a straight answer, but instead he was greatly amused.

"I know I'm clever."

She was enchanting, he decided. And it was most likely he did not know her, and she was just one of those people that went on to do something amazing and he just couldn't place her. Like the time he hadn't known he was speaking to the future King of France when he'd shown a child the way home again. Which regeneration was that in again? Fourth, fifth? Bah, it didn't matter.

They ended up talking most of the day, which surprised him. The slow path had never appealed to him. Too much to see and do for that, but with Oswin things were okay. Not perfect by a long shot, but just...okay. She didn't pry, just let him speak about whatever he wanted, and she told him she wanted to see the stars, that she was working towards that dream. All the while she gave him the feeling of someone he'd known before, many times in fact. Someone that had come through his life that he had either forgotten or lost before. And all the time she failed to ask the one question that always started with a new companion, a new adventure. She didn't ask him, and he didn't tell her. He knew her name, she did not know his, and didn't ask. _Who are you? I'm the Doctor. Doctor Who? Just the Doctor._

As darkness fell he decided it was time to go. Back to the TARDIS, off on another adventure. Maybe with a brand new purpose and a brand new companion. "Oswin?"

"Hm?"

"There's something I want to show you." Yes, he decided, he was going to be taking her with him. Her light and vibrancy was just what he needed after the things he'd been through. He was comfortable with her, and she made him smile despite himself. A new companion and a new adventure was exactly what he needed to fully shake his melancholy mood. Keep moving forward, don't look back, don't dwell on things he wasn't ready to deal with. "Come with me?"

"Sure." And they were off, walking along a well maintained pathway off to the side alley he'd parked in when his memories and the pain had gotten so bad he'd had to get off the TARDIS.

Once they made it to the sentient ship he called home he opened the doors wide and strode over to the console, sweeping his hands out to present the ship in all her glory to his new friend. "See Oswin? Isn't she gorgeous?"

"Its...its..." She popped her head into the ship then out again, several times. His grin started fading around the edges as she took longer and longer to say something. Maybe she wasn't as adventurous as he thought her to be. Maybe she'd just seen another living creature in pain and gone to his aide. He still hadn't asked her about that. But some deep part of him hoped she would be impressed, that she would take it in stride and be impressed and come with him. _'Please, Oswin...Don't be afraid.'_

"Its smaller on the outside!" He did a double take at that then had to fight off a grin. "Never heard that one before."

"Oh fantastic. Absolutely, brilliantly fantastic!" And there she was, in her little white dress and hat, right in front of him where he wanted her to be. And that marvelous word! Ooh, he loved it! He watched her circle the console just in front of him, spinning around and trying to take everything in all at once. "Beauty, you are. Absolutely beautiful...fantastic..." Eyes alight, that smile on her face, and no sign of fear. Curiosity, amazement, and true awe warred across her features, but she wasn't afraid.

He felt the buzz of the TARDIS pressing against his mind, curious about the new arrival and the change in her Time Lord. She wasn't speaking to him, not in the way she had, but she was projecting curiosity and a slight amount of pleasure. New companions were good, new Doctor needed a new companion. Needed someone to go on adventures with him, to keep him in check. Especially now, with what he was this regeneration. A soldier, a survivor of the Time War. She was special, this one.

She finally came to stand in front of him again, looking up at him and grinning brightly. She hadn't questioned him when he'd asked her to come with him, and hadn't hesitated to come into the TARDIS though she didn't know him enough to trust he would lead her true. Why? Why did she have to be this way? Absolute, unwavering trust in a man she knew so little about. Perhaps, before he asked her to come with him, he should know these things. His slight smile faded, the calm he'd found turning into knotted confusion inside him.

"Oswin?" Her gaze was rapt on his own, hands idling against the little bow on her dress. So he had her attention at least. "Why? Why did you stop and help me? Why do you trust me, when we only just met? Why do I feel as if I know you, have known you?" His tone was firm but not cruel, having no wish to upset her. He hadn't meant to ask more than the first question, but once he'd started they kept coming, and this regeneration was both curious and stuck in a state of painfully believing he was about to be betrayed. No one would possibly wish to stay with him, after all he'd done.

"It was the right thing to do." She chewed her bottom lip and dropped her gaze, the smile falling from her features. "You just seemed so lost, so lonely. Poor gent, I thought, someone should do something for him. But no one did anything, no one seemed to see what pain you were in, and I couldn't just stand there and do nothing. Couldn't just walk away like all the other people around. Blind, uncaring of another living creature in pain so deep he shook with it. You needed someone, anyone, to give a damn. Someone to take your hand and hold on tight until the pain subsided."

Was that not almost exactly what he'd been thinking earlier? Something wasn't right. Everything was off, not just a little but allot. Something twisted painfully inside him and he snatched up her wrists and drew her forward. "I don't want or deserve your pity." His tone had gone harsh, bordering in that place where he ceased being the man she'd seen thus far. She pulled at his grip, looking up at him again. She wasn't afraid, but she should have been. He was not a nice man, hell he wasn't even human. Time Lord, alien, monster, murderer...

"You're hurting me!" He let her go and watched as she scrambled back from him, hands tucked against her body. Her tone had snapped him out of the state he'd been in, and it was then that things really settled in his mind. He was insane, or his other self had gone that way before regeneration took him. It would fade, his mind would repair itself as the regeneration settled, but he was obviously violent and in no fit state to be near another living creature. All she'd wanted was to make him feel better. Empathy wasn't something he understood very well, and she had it in spades it seemed.

"Oswin, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry." He ran a hand through his short cropped hair then over his face before leveling a blue eyed stare at her helplessly. "You need to get away from me, Oswin. I was stupid, shouldn't have brought you here..."

He trailed off, head dropping down and hands against his skull again, pressing firmly there as his mind whirled all over the place trying to comprehend what he'd done to himself, to his people. And now to Oswin, who only wanted to help him. "Forget you ever saw me, Oswin. Forget me." He needed to get out of here, leave the planet and this time and send himself to idle in the Time Vortex until his regeneration was finished settling. He'd thought he'd be fine, out in the world again so soon after, but he'd been wrong. And now he'd hurt someone that didn't deserve it, and he just couldn't stand that! He started shaking again, pressing harder against his head and hoping everything would just stop. That he would wake up and the Time War would never had happened, that he was still in his Eighth regeneration, that his biggest problem was being all alone and contemplating rather or not he should go back for another adventure with Grace.

"Oi, old soldier!" Her voice was sharp, shattering his thoughts once again and drawing a wide eyed look from the Doctor. Old soldier, she'd called him. Did she know him after all? Was he missing something about her and she was just waiting for him to figure it out? He was clever, really he was! Brilliant even, he'd been told so many times in the past. But this was the present or was it the past? Not the future, not possibly, he'd know. Superior Time Lord senses and all that, but why couldn't he recall exactly when he was, even within the protection of the TARDIS? Why did he feel as if time itself was coming apart at the seams? Why, why why...**_WHY_**?

"Hey! Concentrate! Snap out of it before you hurt yourself." She'd stepped back towards him despite what he'd done, but he hadn't noticed her doing so and that made him blink at her. He'd lost time. Him, a Time Lord. He saw the bruises beginning to form on her wrists and winced at them, feeling all kinds of horrible for hurting her. He felt her hands on his once again, like when they'd met earlier in the day, but this time they were wedging against him. Trying to get his hands off his head? Why?

"Easy now gent...just breathe okay? Lets get these hands off your head before you squash that clever brain of yours, yeah?" She pulled his hands away slowly, but he wasn't fighting her on the matter. She thought he was clever? "Good...good, that's right, calm down...stay with me now." Her tone had gone soft again, fingers lacing with his and easing in front of them. He took a step closer to her, just so that she didn't have to reach quite so far. What did she mean though? Stay with her? He hadn't gone anywhere, had he? Aside from being lost in his own memories, that is. And why was she still here? Why hadn't she gone when he'd told her too, especially after he'd nearly broken both her wrists. He was a danger to her until he settled, but...

"Don't drift off again now, I just pulled you out of it." An old memory hit him, several of them in quick succession. Always of a flash of brown hair, of striking brown eyes and a clever fantastic person leading him on his path or setting him back on it when he'd thought he'd fallen from it. Someone that had chased him through each regeneration even as he chased her and forgot every time he found her again. But always she was running to him, to save him, to safeguard his life in danger. To usually lose her own in the process, or disappear again before he could thank her. His guardian angel, all the way back to his first regeneration.

"I know you, Oswin, I do."


	2. Remember Me

Chapter Two: Remember Me

Disclaimer : Still don't own it.

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><p><em>Navigation system is knackered...much more fun that way...<em>

That first time, way back when, seemed to unlock the memories that had been blocked off. Someone he wasn't meant to remember, someone that was only a blip through his various regenerations, many times, more the longer he lived and the danger became more apparent. Always calling his name, warning him just in time, pushing him from harm's way to take it herself. Or showing him the way, leading him to his destiny, to the TARDIS that would be his own for years and regenerations to come. A young Gallifreyan girl telling him to pick the sentient ship with the broken navigation circuit rather than the one he'd originally chosen for himself.

_Doctor! You have to move!_

A train roaring past as he lay sprawled on the platform, dazed. Second regeneration. Recalling a woman's voice calling his name, pushing at him to get him out of the path. He hadn't noticed it, was dazed from a blow struck to his head from some enemy at the time. It had taken hours to realize what had happened, that someone had thrown themselves against him but not made it back out of the way in time to spare their own life. Clara Oswin. Human girl, stranger.

_Hang in there gent, help's here._

A double handed grip over his own, pulling with all her might to try and pull him back after he'd gone over the railing. Barely hanging on, the drop below would cause spontaneous regeneration he was sure. She was so slight, not strong enough, would only fall with him from his weight pulling down on hers, but she didn't let him go, refused to even when he told her that it was okay, that he'd be fine. It was going to hurt, but he'd regenerate. There was only one of her. Only one special girl with the bravery to come to a stranger's aide even though she could be hurt herself.

_Holy God this thing is ugly! Give it up, mate, it's long enough._

Fourth Regeneration. His beloved scarf tied off against his waist and the other end lassoed onto a rock ledge above. Romana yelling at him from above him as this stranger scaled down. Rock climber, mountain rescue service, she'd said. Being told to hold on as she wound a rope around him as well, though the scarf was thick enough, and the drop short enough, that he could be pulled up that way. No chances, she'd said, no reason to tempt fate. Blood blinding him, obscuring his rescuer from view, but knowing he owed her a debt. Or at least some form of appreciation. She'd saved his life, after all. Though he could have probably gotten back up on his own, but that was aside the point.

Time and adventures later. He'd been having problems adjusting to Romana's new form, her temperament different and rubbing him the wrong way. He didn't fight, was too controlled for it, but she'd been pushing him towards a full scale bout of fury. Even he, a Time Lord, had a certain limit to his patience. Romana was about at that level without meaning to be. So he'd left the TARDIS, not intending to come back to this place after what happened the last time. It seemed to him like tempting fate returning to a place that had almost ended this form's life and pushed him into a new one. The ledge he'd gone over, or been thrown over was a more adequate assessment. He still had no clue as to who had done it to him, or for what reason, but he'd figure it out. He always did. This place, for whatever reason, was where he was drawn to when he was in one of his rare moods like he was now, or when he needed a quiet place by himself to think.

He paced, trying to order his thoughts and calm his raging mind. Too much to do for him to be like this, in a state that took far too much out of him. Being angry never solved anything, and he was always the one that remained calm under pressure, even when anyone else would be upset in some fashion. He played the fool, but he was no fool. He was clever, dangerously so. No one matched him, and few could keep up with him successfully. Or even follow his train of thought, especially as he spoke it while he was thinking. It helped him, certainly. So did pacing, though today his thoughts weren't on any new adventure or mystery he'd found himself in. Instead his entire focus was on regaining his calm and reminding himself why it was couldn't drop Romana off on some inhabited planet and leave her there indefinitely.

So he hadn't been paying attention to where his favored scarf was on his person and the length of it had wound against his legs and caused him to trip, nearly sending him over the ledge for a second time. It was then he found himself not alone on the cliffside as a pair of slender arms linked around his chest and pulled him back from an untimely regeneration. Her again, the girl from the first time, the woman with the rescue service. His surprise at seeing her there, staring dumbly at the little hands clenched in the front of his jacket as his hearts hammered in his chest from the close call. Yes, even the Doctor could be startled enough for such a reaction. Her teasing smile once he had his feet safely back on solid ground, and the chiding tone she'd used to address him.

_"You again? Can't you stay out of trouble gent?"_

_"Apparently not."_

She'd laughed, and after a moment he'd joined her. A close call and being generally pleased not to have to regenerate from such a painful experience. Clumsy, he'd been so clumsy. Him, who prided himself on only pretending to be a fool. And all over that bloody scarf. It had only been luck she'd been there that day, a coincidence, she'd said.

_"We have to stop meeting like this."_

Her voice was filled with laughter again, though this time it sounded more relieved than amused. It was the most any one person had touched him since he'd had Susan with him in his first regeneration. He didn't have to look to know she had grabbed him around his chest again, could feel her touch like he had back on the cliffside. She'd stopped him from stepping off the street corner and into oncoming traffic when the sign clearly warned him not to walk. He really hadn't meant to step off like that, but someone in the crowd had shoved him from behind and he'd been distracted. Romana gave him a look of concern, seeing as he'd been distracted by his conversation with her. He could usually do several things at once without being distracted, but something had been different today.

She'd released him as soon as the shock wore off, arms crossing her chest and giving him a swift look over before nudging him towards his companion for a second look over. Really he was fine, had been unharmed in the entire thing, though his thoughts were still all over the place. They'd come here on another adventure, and run into this same human for a third time. What were the odds, in all the universe, of running into the same person three times?

_Run. Run you clever boy, and remember._

_Remember._

_Remember me._

And how he remembered, a flood opening in his mind to show patches of each lifetime each going faster and faster until they were indistinct. Always the variation of the same name, and always in his path as long as it coordinated with Earth. Key points in time, a small hand that fit his just so, of being pulled, the one being led instead of leading. Of absolute trust from the start then hearts breaking despair as she kept dying on him. A Companion that had chased her way through his time line, always when he needed help the most. Physical, or in the case of several regenerations, mental or emotional. This wasn't the first time she'd sat with him when the world came down around him. She'd done it for him during his Eighth regeneration too, before things unraveled. That was the second time he'd known she'd come from his home world, from Gallifrey.

_You can't remember her Doctor. You mustn't hold onto her. She's an echo, a Time Echo. She isn't real._

Romana's voice, or was it Sarah Jane? He couldn't discern the truth, wasn't even sure it had been said in the proper regeneration to be either of the two women. Just that the memory had been blocked out, her existence becoming inconsequential, a person that drifted through and helped him out, no one important. Because she died nearly every time, or disappeared after her task was done, and the few times she did stick around he'd gotten attached like he always did to a companion, and eventually she'd been lost to him anyway. Always protecting him. She'd come along with him twice before this, before this current regeneration that was so jaded and hurt that her simple act of trust had him basking in her very presence.

Fourth regeneration was first, an accidental companion that he ran into periodically when he visited that time frame. An enigma, a creature that manifested exactly the thing he needed to see to be drawn in. Bravery, cleverness, a willingness to help out without thought to herself. Human, absolutely, wonderfully human. Brilliant, fantastic girl. Impossible Girl. Her first real journey with him on the TARDIS resulted in her death, by Dalek nonetheless. But she'd died in a way that he never wished on anyone, had tried to protect them all from. Dalek Death Ray. A shot meant to end him, and she'd shoved him until he'd bowled into Romana.

Then in his Eighth form, right after he'd left Grace the first time. He'd been so very lonely, as he was now, but this time because he hadn't been able to convince a new companion to come with him. His shortest regeneration to date, he hadn't lasted long. His Eighth self wasn't made for what came to him, for a war that raged around him and destroyed time and space. Time Lords were not meant to go to war, and he'd never been much of a warrior. He knew how, of course, but he was the Doctor, always off on another adventure, always in the midst of things. Meddling, changing the course of history as it went wrong. Or righting wrongs, so long as the event wasn't time locked. She'd found him on an alien planet that time, with a TARDIS of her own. He'd been trying to work things out for himself, and been entranced by the young Gallifreyan that came to sit with him. She wasn't actually the same as him, didn't have the perception for time required of a Time Lord, but her father was and he'd let her drive. She told him she'd sat on the controls and accidentally set the ship off into the vortex and ended up there. He'd had to tow the other ship with his own for ages while she stayed with him and lit his world up again. She'd never told him her name that time, just given him that mischievous smile that she had here too. It had been her sacrifice that allowed him to live through the Time War. She'd left him at the start of the war, then returned at its closure as he'd done what was necessary. Her father's TARDIS shattered reality as it exploded, but not before she'd used it to ram his own outside the range of...

"You still with me?"

Her voice shattered the hold his memories had over him, drawing blue eyes to concerned brown ones. She'd stayed where she'd come to stand, within reach but far enough not to invade his personal space too much. Absolute trust, like always. Unwavering belief in a man that didn't deserve it. But how could she be the same person? Following him through time, different people, different name, but always the same face. Was she a Time Lady? Could he have missed someone in his final desperate act during the Time War? Was it possible that someone had escaped, that he wasn't alone after all? And if so, why was it that she'd been blocked in his memories every time he'd met her? And by whom? What was the purpose?

She was impossible, was Oswin. And what had the companion meant, that she wasn't real? A Time Echo could be anything, most passed it off as de ja vu, which Time Lords didn't experience. Or weren't supposed to anyway. What had he been thinking about again? Oh, right, Time Echo and Oswin.

"How do I know you Oswin?"

Head tilting to one side, brown hair falling a little forward without obscuring her expression. "You met me earlier, remember? We talked and sat together all day, then you invited me here. Are you feelin' alright gent?"

"I'm fine. Fantastic even." Yeah, it was her word, but he liked it and planned on using it pretty often when he could get away with it. She'd have to get used to it.

"Mental more like."

"Oi, am not! I'm clever, brilliant even. Not mental at all, not me."

"Or capable of modesty."

He gave her his best grin for that one. Nope, he wasn't modest at all, and had no trouble admitting to it. He'd tried it once, a few regenerations back, but it had ended up making him constipated so he'd given up. Nothing wrong with it, as he knew what he was capable of better than anyone else. Still...his grin faded from his face, remembering what it was that had happened before his mind had burst open with old memories long blocked from active recollection. He'd hurt her, yelled at her, and yet she hadn't left him here to stew in it. He was insane, not totally stable coming into this regeneration, and still too much a soldier. She didn't deserve to deal with him while he was like this, but he needed her. He needed company, someone to show off to and teach him how to trust again. To remind him who he was, who he had been before the Time War nearly destroyed him. A new companion to show the universe, all of space and time. And, if she'd let him, he'd lay it at her feet. Anywhere she wanted to go, so long as she came with him.

"You really aren't afraid."

"Of you? Absolutely not. Probably should be, but something tells me I can trust you. Like I'm meant to help you do something, or just..." She shrugged, giving him that smile that haunted various regenerations of memories. "Not leave you alone again. You've had enough of that, I think."

"You know that isn't normal, right?"

"Well of course. I'd be stupid not to realize how abnormal this is. In a big snog box with a gent I've only known the last few hours, who happens to be really post traumatic and prone to fits of violence. I'm not saying its normal, but it's there." She put her hands out to either side of her body, palm up in a show of helplessness. "It is what it is, but you know what?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't care, because I trust my instincts. They say that I can trust you, that you really aren't out to hurt me. I don't know who you are or where it is you come from, and I don't care. You give off a sense of adventure, of places I've never been and may never see. So..." She shrugged again, out of words.

Fortunately, he had plenty now, the brief bout of insanity passing him for the time being. Unsettled in the regeneration or not, he knew exactly what to do. "Well then, Oswin, welcome aboard the TARDIS."

"TARDIS?"

"Time and Relative Dimension in Space, TARDIS. Lovely thing, she is. This is my ship. She takes me anywhere and everywhere I want to go." He stepped back, making a flourishing gesture as he'd made when they'd first come onto the ship, indicating the entire room with spread arms. "Did I mention it's also travels in time?" He found himself fidgeting, anxious and unable to be still while she stood there gawking at him, absorbing his words.

"And that makes you what, exactly? An alien?"

"Yeah. Is that a problem?"

"You're mental."

The smile from before was gone, like she wasn't sure if she should be trusting him after all. She probably thought he was lying to her, even with the proof right in front of her. Here was the reluctance he'd wondered at the absence of earlier, and now he cursed himself for it. Even though it had bothered him that she took so much on blind faith he'd hoped she would keep it up. Not having to explain himself to someone for once had been refreshing. But she still hadn't asked for what to call him, and maybe that was because she didn't intend to ever see him again. The thought made him droop, arms dropping along with his head as he adverted his gaze finally. But then he felt resolve steel into him. It was normal not to believe at first, but he'd prove it to her.

"You don't believe me? Alright then, I'll show you." He darted around the console, throwing switches and nudging various buttons and knobs into place. Finally throwing a spinning mechanism that he wasn't entirely sure of what its purpose of and bracing himself as the TARDIS launched into the vortex. His new companion grabbed the rail as the ship lurched around, trying to keep her feet though her little sandals weren't really meant to grip the metal surface. He tried not to pay attention to the pale face as she slid slowly across the room while the ship shifted back and forth, tried not to notice that she was starting to look truly terrified for the first time in their short acquaintance. Mostly he tried not to think about how impossible it was that she was even there, a person that existed in a fashion through every regeneration of his, several times in fact. And she didn't know him, each life singular and not at all like the regenerations of a Time Lord. If she was as he was, then why didn't she know who he was? Why did her memories not coincide with the ones he had of her? And he could tell she wasn't faking her lack of recognition, he'd learned to read others long ago.

Once the TARDIS landed he strode over to the door, throwing it open and popping his head out to get a sense of where he was. When he was. He took in a deep breath then went back inside to motion his companion towards the exit. "London, England. March, 2005." Not all that far, but he wasn't entirely sure of when and where she'd come from. Cardiff, he'd thought given the layout of the park they'd met in, but when? Her clothing suggested nothing, since such a thing could be from anywhere from the 1950s all the way to present time with slight alterations here and there. Just a white sundress with a white hat-like thing pinned in her hair. It wasn't the total proof he'd wanted to offer her, but since he'd been frantically throwing switches and not concentrated on what he was doing it only made sense that this was where he ended up. He came to Earth quite a bit, and the TARDIS was familiar with it.

She came to stand at the exit next to him, peeking out cautiously at first and then curiously as she tried to figure out of he was telling the truth or not. He could tell she wanted to believe him, but things were moving too fast for her to have the level of trust she'd shown before. She knew it, and he'd expected this reaction sooner. But she wanted adventure, she wanted to see new places. She'd told him so, and now he could offer it to her. He watched her every move carefully, watching for signs of distress. He was prepared to have to bring her back to her own time and leave her there, off on his own all over again. The sense of loss was already weighing on his hearts and she hadn't even rejected what he could offer her yet. It was coming, he told himself, she wasn't going to want to come with him.

But then her mouth came agape and she gawked at the massive tower that housed the trademark landmark of Great Britain; Big Ben. "Holy...Oh...it's really..." She looked to him. "Is that what I think it is?" He turned his gaze to the massive clock he'd parked in front of, realizing for the first time that maybe his motions hadn't been entirely off the mark. They'd been in Cardiff moments before, and now stood before Britain's pride. He felt a grin starting to return to him, pleased with himself and feeling a renewed sense of hope. Maybe, possibly, she'd believe him now. She'd have to, with the proof so clear before her.

"Absolutely is, and rightly so." Wow, that manner of speech didn't taste right at all! He made a face at himself then shook his head. Lingering effects of his last regeneration, perhaps.

"But we were just in Cardiff, and..." She looked from him, to the clock, back to him again several times before the light came back on in those eyes.

"Who are you, really?"

Ah, there it was. The question he'd been waiting on, the opening to a new adventure. "I'm the Doctor, just the Doctor."

She bit at her lip, and he prayed she was taking this in stride. _Be brave_, he told her. _Be brave just this once and the adventure you want is yours._

"You really live in a snog box that travels through time?"

"It's not a snog box, and yes I do."

"You're an alien, a time traveling alien. What do you want with me?"

"Technically I travel through space and time, but I won't go into that yet. I want you, Oswin, to come with me. Travel with me, share the adventure. All of space and time, anywhere and any when you could possibly ever imagine, an endless adventure. Say the word, and I'll take you there." A new companion, and someone that made him feel himself again. Why he was so drawn he didn't yet know, just like he couldn't figure out how she'd been in every regeneration of himself without him realizing it before now. Or perhaps he had, and he'd been somehow made to forget. That happened usually when he crossed his own timeline. A future regeneration from a past one, that sort of thing. One of the rules of the Time Lords was to never know you're own future, or more accurately never interfere in your own past. It was a time traveler thing.

"Can you take me home?"

He flinched. Not the words he wanted to hear, but he'd respect them. He shouldn't have let himself believe she'd really want to come with him. He was a murderer, after all, and unworthy of a companion. Not now, maybe not ever again. "Yes, of course. Come on then, Oswin, I'll bring you home." Stupid, he'd been so stupid. It was too soon for a new companion, his depression and memories starting to weigh down on him again, his past memories of this girl growing indistinct. Perhaps that was it there, maybe when he didn't want to face what had happened to her he made himself forget. Pain did not do well with the Doctor, especially the emotional kind. And losing a companion hurt, always.

Slender arms around his chest, small hands dug into the fabric of his leather jacket. A hard tug stopping him in his stride back towards the TARDIS, and surprise pummeling out his sharp depression that had come back to him so quickly. She'd done this before, many times. Fourth regeneration most of all. "Oswin?" He didn't want to hope anymore, didn't want to come out of his shell. He was safe in the shell, no one and nothing could hurt him there, but he was so terribly lonely. Not that he'd admit that to her, or anyone, but still.

"I didn't mean right now, you daft man. Seriously, gents are all the same no matter what species they are. I meant, Doctor, could you take me home if I wanted to go? If I leave with you on this adventure do I get to come home when it's over?"

"You actually want to come with me?" He didn't want to believe, and with this girl he'd let himself believe without meaning to. He was still hurt, still deeply embittered by what he'd done and what was left for him to do. He didn't deserve anything better than to exist alone through the rest of his regenerations, hadn't deserved to regenerate into this form after what he'd done to his own people. Couldn't let her see how much it meant to him to have someone, anyone, with him. To not be alone, even for just a small amount of time. Relatively speaking, of course. Time Lord and all that. His concept of time and hers were probably different.

"All of space and time, an adventure with no expiration date? I'd be crazy not to take the chance." She let him go, stepping out of his space and leaving him feeling oddly...no he wasn't completing that thought. She could come to mean a great deal to him if he didn't watch himself. No one got beyond the shield, not even this impossible girl with her familiar smile and sense of adventure to match his own.

"So, space man, show me around. I've never been to London before."

He couldn't help it, the manic smile spread across his face. Oh the fun they were going to have, and to start in a mundane place would be good. Then he'd go big and never slow down. He leaned just enough to reach her hand and linked their fingers, tugging her once and starting down the street.

"Fantastic."


	3. Always Run

Chapter Three : Always Run

He'd brought Oswin to London to prove himself to her, then moved the TARDIS into a better district to show her around. Then had come the readings of Autons in the area and he'd had to go and investigate. It was who he was, always meddling in things. Of course during this his new companion had slipped away from him, probably accidentally, and he was left searching for her. Lost one companion to gain another, a blonde with a smile that lit up his world and staggered him. All starting with one word, one single utterance of sound that followed him through all his lives. Run.

And how he'd run, getting caught up in the adventure, in showing off for someone again. And Rose Tyler was a very receptive audience, brave and clever and absolutely fantastic. In the rush of the adventure he'd forgotten that he had come there with someone and gone off with a new companion that wasn't the woman who had come to him in his darkest time to pull him back onto the path. But, then again, hadn't it always been that way with her? It wasn't until some time later, after he'd had one of those few good days where everyone had lived during an adventure, that he remembered Oswin. His hearts constricted painfully in his chest even as he watched Rose and Jack laughing about something across the console room. Well, he'd just have to go back and get her. Three wouldn't be bad, and Rose would like Oswin. Then he'd have both his best girls and the universe to explore. Jack could go sod off.

"Well...that was rude." He muttered to himself, earning him a curious look from Rose and an odd one from Jack. They wouldn't know he'd just thought something rude, and it was a good thing. He couldn't control when little bits of an old regeneration came back to haunt him, though he couldn't recall which version of him had been rude enough to tell someone to sod off. Had any of them?

The Doctor shook his head. None of that mattered, he had to get back to Oswin. Now then, just where had he left her? Or maybe that should be when...Ah! It was the same day he'd met Rose. Couldn't go back exactly on the day he'd been there, crossing timelines and all that, but he could go the day after. Just had to keep his companion on board while he went and fetched his other companion. Couldn't have her there when she'd been missing for a year and returned to that place a year later. It gave him a headache when he met himself, he could only imagine how it would affect a human being.

So he searched the area where he'd left her with as much diligence as he could muster, which was substantial. He was determined, but after failing to locate her even when scanning for the particles that surrounded all time travelers with his sonic he started to wonder if she'd ever been there in the first place. Had he simply created her in a desperate attempt to assuage his own loneliness at the beginning of this regeneration? Was there no Oswin, no clever girl who wanted to see the stars and that gave him his favorite word of this new life. He hadn't been exactly sane at the beginning, but surely his mind hadn't drummed up someone like her. He had very faded memories of meeting her in other regenerations, memories that were often locked from his recollection for whatever reason there was. She had to be here somewhere!

In the end he was forced to give up his search. Rose wanted to go visit her mum, and Jack was curious about the 21st century in London. So with reluctance slowing his steps, the Time Lord finally had to admit defeat. Oswin wasn't here, she wasn't even in this time. Perhaps she'd somehow returned to her own, and he'd look when he had a moment, but life went on. On to more adventures with Rose and Jack, on to trying to forget his past and the terrors of the Time War. Life went on, and so would he. He would look again, but maybe not for a while.

BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAKBREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK

She'd had to practically beg him to take her here, back to this place that she had memories of but had never returned to before this. The place where years ago a Time Lord came to mourn his people at the start of a new regeneration. She'd been a different person back then, one of the echos of herself scattered throughout the Doctor's timeline, but she still remembered this place. So she'd changed into a white sundress and pushed her dark locks partially under a white wide-brimmed hat. As close to how she'd looked back then, so he'd recognize her. Time to lay one last moment to rest, the one time she'd never been able to tell him she was alright, that she'd made it home. She hadn't, but there was no reason to let the old soldier know that.

"I won't be long Doctor. Try not to get into any trouble while I'm out."

Talking him into letting her go by herself had been even harder, after the events of Trenzalore not even a week ago. It would have been impossible if he'd remembered this place and time, but luckily he hadn't. Not yet. And when he did he'd probably drag her back to the TARDIS and get out of there as fast as he could. Of all his regenerations, Clara thought that perhaps it was this one that bothered him the most. His green eyes bore into her back as she made for the door, his expression one of extreme displeasure. Which was hard. Her Doctor, he was rarely cross, though his eyes did reflect sadness far more than they should. He had lost so much, and well she knew from seeing his timeline. Some hurts never went away, and for his sake she hoped he lost no one else. But she had to do this.

"Clara?"

The brunette paused, turning to look back at the man leaning against the console of the sentient ship. She braced herself to have to argue with him about being here without explanation, and why she'd insisted he stay aboard the TARDIS instead of coming with her. She only ever went home by herself, and even then he'd been walking her to her door, still afraid she'd disappear on him. He'd said so, then denied ever saying it after he'd gotten rest after being at the place where he was supposed to die. It was why, after she'd woken up from a two-day sleep after what had been their scariest and most dangerous adventure together yet, that she'd been in his room instead of her own. He was terrified of loosing her as he'd lost others in this regeneration, though she still didn't know their names. It was his secret, like his true name, and one she'd let him keep.

"Don't go. He doesn't deserve it."

That gave her pause. He was looking at her with that serious set to his body, his eyes showing underneath the fall of his mop of brown hair. Which needed a cut, she noted for herself. But then her focus was back on the present as he pushed his body off the console and strode up to her, looking down at her with that same intense expression he'd given her when he'd come to get her out of his own timeline despite the danger.

_Just this once, just for the hell of it, let me save you._

"You knew where I wanted to come but you brought me here anyway." It was a statement rather than a question, because the Doctor obviously knew her intent.

"Its the dress. I remember coming here when I was him, remember coming back to that bench and hoping to see a girl who never returned to her own time. I'd failed her, I'd left her behind and forgotten about her, and it taught me to be more careful with my companions. He deserves that hurt."

She laced their fingers, tugging his hands away from where they'd been crossed over his chest. "You never deserve to be alone, no matter what face you wear. And you've hurt more than anyone should ever have to already. If I can erase one hurt from your eyes then I'm going to do it. I've seen every one of your faces, every regeneration, and its this one that I never got the chance to settle things. Let me make this right. Let me save you one more time."

The look on his face shifted just slightly, the green of his eyes softening as he pulled her into a brief hug and kissed the top of her head. "My Clara, my Impossible Girl. Always saving me, even when its only from myself. Go on then, go to him. Be quick, that bloke gives me a headache." He let her go and gave her a nudge, which she took to mean she should go before he changed his mind. So she left him standing in the open door of his time ship and darted across the open grass towards a park with a particular bench.

He wasn't hard to spot, he was so bleedin' tall. But it was just like she remembered, in that other life. He'd obviously been looking for some time and was ready to give up, and if she'd been delayed any longer he'd have been gone. She could see his TARDIS parked near a dense group of trees only because she was really looking. _Nice parking spot, Doctor. _But his expression was drawn, his big body slumped as sadness crossed into those gorgeous blue eyes. As she watched he plopped himself down on the bench and dug his hands against either side of his head. Deja vu hit her hard but she didn't let it stop her stride, coming over to stand just in front of the man that had changed her life forever in a different one of his regenerations. As before she put her hands over his and took a breath to speak.

"Hey gent, you alright?"

His head shot up so fast she had to almost snatch her hands back to keep from accidentally smacking him in the face from the sudden movement. Then she stepped back because he came to his feet in one of those too-quick movements that she berated her Doctor over when he did them. Time Lord thing, he said. Well she'd been Gallifreyan a handful of times during her jaunt through the Doctor's timeline and she'd never been able to do that. The look on her face stopped her cross musings over Time Lords and the things they did, because it was the same one she saw on her Doctor way too often. The look of someone who had seen and done too much, lost too much.

"Oswin?"

She gave him a nod then a startled cry as he snatched her into his arms and hugged her tightly, his big body curving against her in that way that said he'd been worried sick about her. Or that he'd thought he'd lost her, which he had. Not like she was telling him that, and thank goodness she was immune to his telepathic abilities now because she didn't want him seeing that she wasn't who he thought she was. Just a moment to let him calm down and she'd set him off. The universe wasn't finished with the Doctor, after all.

"Easy now, gent. You're squashing me here." A harsh bark of laughter sounded above her head before a nose started burrowing against the top of her head. Okay this was new, and it lasted only moments before he straightened up and lifted her off the ground in a spin that left her laughing as well. His eyes had gone alight, and he didn't seem to be as depressed as the last time she'd seen him. Probably the effects of one Rose Tyler. The blonde obviously agreed with his sense of well-being.

When he finally put her down a hand went to link with hers and he pulled her after him, heading towards the trees and the place he'd parked his ship. Uh-oh. "I can't believe I actually found you. I'm so sorry I left you behind, but I got distracted. I've another companion too, you'll like her she's fantastic. Her name's Rose, but I'll let you meet her here and you can see for yourself."

"Doctor."

She tried to get his attention even as she dug her heals into the ground to slow their pace. His long legs ate up the ground on his path to his ship, but she knew she couldn't go with him. He didn't seem to hear her, going right on with his word vomit at top Doctor speed. He sounded...almost frantic. Like he knew she had something to say that he wasn't going to like and he wanted to keep it from happening.

"**_Doctor_**." Her tone was firmer this time, and he stopped, turning around with only feet between they and the doors to his ship. That was better. "I can't go with you."

His expression fell, that grin falling off his face. "Why not? I know I left you in Rose's time, and I'm sorry about that, but let me make it up to you. I'm really not that big of a...I'm clever, I really am. I didn't do it on purpose, Oswin, you have to believe that." He took her hands in his in that same way her own Doctor had of doing when he was trying to get her to believe something he was telling her. His manner and face may be different, but he was still the Doctor. And he had this way of looking at her, like he was now, that no matter the color of his eyes always made her give in no matter how cross she was with him. "Please?"

Stupid bloody Doctor and his stupid puppy-dog eyes.

She had to look away, to focus her gaze on his green jumper that curiously matched his other self's eyes. She liked the green better than the black, she decided absently before looking back up at him. So. Sodding. Tall. "I can't go with you, not this time. I know you don't understand, and I don't want to hurt you, but I don't belong there. I...I was meant to lead you to her, to that fantastic girl in there waiting for you to return to take her on another adventure, to show her the universe." The look on his face made her loose her hands from his to press on either side of his face. "Now you listen to me, you big mental gent. I will always find you when you need me most, and someday I'll be able to stand at your side and go on adventures with you. Just not now, not after putting you back on the path you had to be on. I did what I was supposed to do, now you have to let me go until the next time."

The look on his face made her want to cry for him. He was sad, and she hated to be the cause of that sadness. But he'd see her again. It would take a few centuries, but he'd see her. Her hands slipped to his shoulders and rested there for a moment before removing themselves from his person altogether. "Go on then. Go be the clever, brilliant man I know you are. Go be the Doctor." She stepped back from him and turned to go, forcing herself to walk rather than run. It hurt him, she knew, leaving this way, but at least he didn't believe she'd died or something equally as disturbing.

"Goodbye Oswin." His tone was flat, but she knew he was letting her go, that he wouldn't come after her. He understood, in his way, that she was right.

"Goodbye Doctor." She paused, looking over her shoulder and flashing him the look she'd given her Doctor right before she'd jumped into his time stream. "You know what? Run, run you clever boy, and remember me." He flashed her that manic grin she knew so well and let off this sound that was almost like laughter but that he was still sad that she wasn't coming with him.

"Fantastic."

And she ran, like she'd been doing since the moment the crazy floppy haired gent had entered her life. She ran back to the TARDIS, back to her life of adventures, back to the Doctor. And he was waiting on her, still leaning against the doors like he'd been when she left him. Not much time had passed, but she still threw herself into his arms and hugged him with all the strength in her body. He held her there for a long time, never one to turn down a Clara-hug, as he put it. Once she let him set her aside he took her hand and kissed the back of it in a rare display of true affection on his part. "Thank you Clara."


End file.
